✖✿✖before you ask, no, i don't have a social life✖✿✖


if someone asks if youre wearing the same jeans as you wore yesterday and you are just say “have you ever heard of a washing machine” because they will think that you washed them but you are actually just assessing their knowledge of basic household appliances

(Source: cosimaniehaus223, via perks-of-being-chinese)


the more i talk, the more i understand why i’m single

(Source: guy, via suckest)


doing a math question on a multiple choice test and getting an answer that isnt even listed as one of the choices


(via oknope)

  • People: I can hear your music
  • Me: Me too


Two chemists walk into a bar.

One of them asks for H2O. The other asks for H2O2 and giggles.

The bartender serves them both hydrogen peroxide because he’s fucking tired of chemists walking into his bar and trying that joke.

(via sarcasmed)